I have not written about leadership for a while on this blog and I thought I need to talk about the relationship between confidence and success in this post.
Somebody I am coaching to set up a business shared a concern that triggered this post today. It’s very common and one of the things I struggled with in the beginning as well.
His problem is that nobody seems to support him when he wants to start a business. Anybody (his friends, his parents etc.) he talks to, he only receives feedback that shows him how difficult it is to succeed as an entrepreneur.
All Business Is Selling
I have been dealing with this issue myself for a very long time. Coming from an IT background, I was never taught selling, but I quickly realized that if I needed to succeed, I needed to be good at selling.
Convincing anybody to do anything you want them to do, is selling. Entrepreneurship is about selling. Convincing your employer that they need you for your skills, is selling. You can’t succeed at anything if you are poor at sales.
Confidence Is Where It All Begins
Have you seen people who are already successful get instant support from others, no matter what they start?
The world is full of followers. They need a leader they can follow. The question is, are you a leader?
And your leadership begins when you become confident. People begin to agree with you, support you and then follow you when they realize that you know what you are doing. They begin to respect your decisions when they realize you don’t need their approval to achieve your dreams and goals.
We Look For Opinions When We Lack Confidence
We go to read online reviews on products and services when we don’t have much confidence about them. Especially, if we just apply a little common sense, we can easily see that people who are freely giving negative opinions are people who usually do not have anything to show for.
If I have any confidence in myself, I will take a moment to think about the credibility of the person before I give any attention to their opinion. If they say something doesn’t work, do they know what works?
If somebody says that I shouldn’t do something because they tried and didn’t succeed, the question I will ask is, what is that they have succeeded at? And, if they have succeeded at something, are they willing to help me in succeeding at that?
If not, I should be very skeptical about them and their opinion, shouldn’t I?
People Don’t Give Opinions When You Are Confident
On the other hand, since I stopped asking for advice from people who aren’t doing (or succeeding at) what I am trying to do, I have stopped receiving negative opinions.
In fact, the very thing about which people came in flocks to advise against doing, now they come to admire me for staying the course. I have not heard negative advice from anybody in years.
Why?
Because I worked hard to gain the knowledge about my own strengths and weaknesses. I worked hard to build my self-confidence. I know why I am doing what I am doing and so I no more even slightly come across as a person who may need a suggestion or two! Now, I only get support, no opposition!
Reason? Confidence!
How To Build Your Self Confidence To Be A Person Of Influence
Confidence is not something we are born with. It is something we all acquire through our actions and attitudes.
Here are a few habits I want to share with you which have helped me build my confidence, and many I know:
1. Read Daily
When it comes to reading, I am totally sold out. For more about my reading habits, check out this post. Reading is a vital part of building our self-image(esteem).
This is the best way to know positive things and success habits which we don’t even know we have. Books also teach us about things we need to change to be better.
2. Dress For Success
Whether you meet someone for the first time or you meet them often, the way you dress talks volumes about you indirectly, subconsciously.
Research has found that when you dress appropriately, your self-image is naturally up. You feel good about yourself and so does the other person. Dressing sharp boosts your self-confidence and that of other people in you.
3. Walk Like A Winner
Confidence is revealed in your walk as well. Do you walk like a person with high self-confidence or do you come across somebody who is dragging his/her feet because of lack of enthusiasm?
Driven people identify themselves through a spring in their walk. Try emulating this habit and feel confidence instantly within you.
4. Talk Like A Champion
This one is a big one as well. A simple thing but very powerful. The average people uses terms like “I hope I can do this”, “I am trying to do this”, “I can’t seem to do this” etc. These are terms that portray lack of confidence.
Things like hope, wish, trial are the words of weakness, especially when used in the context of getting things done.
On the other hand, if you talk to champions, they talk success even before they see success. There is a tone, an enthusiasm and a certainty in their speech pattern. Do you speak like a champion?
5. Be Prepared – Be Ready
Sometimes, even a confident person feels lack of confidence about a situation they are not prepared for. As an example, no matter how confident you are, you will not feel very confident if you are asked to jump into 50 feet of deep water if you don’t know how to swim, will you?
But, if you know swimming, you will have no problem!
Preparation brings confidence as well. If you really want to start a business and you do your due diligence about it, research about the industry, get yourself knowledgeable about it, nobody can shake your tree.
When preparation meets opportunity, success happens. Are you investing time in being ready, being prepared?
6. Trust In God
Above all, my strength comes from my trust in God. I was watching Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday the other day and she said the same thing speaking about fear.
I don’t remember who the guest was but she said, the moment we get out of our own way and become one with God, all fears dissolve and the confidence emerges.
That’s exactly how I feel. A sense of connection with God takes away all our fears and connects us with our confidence because I know, with God, everything is possible.
Confidence Is Not Arrogance
Oh, by the way there is a thin line between high confidence and arrogance.
When you are confident, you are more open minded, more caring about other people while you don’t let other people’s negativity get to you.
On the other hand, when you are arrogant, you don’t let others speak. You don’t like anything which is not echoing with what you already have decided to be the right thing.
While confidence is a great asset, arrogance can hurt us and make us deprived of the happiness and satisfaction even if we succeed. Be watchful!
Over To You – Share Your Thoughts
What role has confidence played in your life so far? How do you keep your self-confidence high?
Do you let other people decide what is good for you? Or, do you make your own well informed, well researched decisions?
Please share your thoughts through your comments. Thank you kindly!
Hi Kumar,
Thank you for sharing your experiences here on how you developed confidence in an area that was initially unfamiliar to you. I recall having a discussion with you some time ago that even as children we learn to become sales people when we sell our parents the idea of giving us whatever we want, like a cookie, or some chocolate milk.
You’re right, confident people are the go-to people. When you are sure of yourself, and not full of yourself, as you’ve made reference to, people also admire that strength of character in a person. I know I do.
I recall writing 12 Ways To Improve Your Self-Confidence last year. In it, I quoted Dalai Lama who said, “With realization of one’s own potential and self-confidence in one’s ability, one can build a better world.”
I think that is the task of true leadership, as leaders create more leaders.
Have a splendid week!
Bill
Thank you Bill for your kind appreciation!
I remember your blog post on self-confidence and that quote by Dalai Lama. Thank you for reminding.
Regards,
Kumar
Hi Kumar. Confidence is certainly important and your summary is a good one. It should not be confused with arrogance hence the old truism ” It ain’t bragging if you can do it”. Whatever ones views on God, ETHICS are a fundamental part of it because when you are confident that your product or service will benefit the client rather than just enrich you at their expense, nothing can stop you. Whenever someone told me “I have no sales experience” I would remind them they had a lifetime of it, and no matter whether their discipline was accounting or design they had sold someone on the value of their skills in order to be hired. Great post as usual
That’s an incredible thing you do Paul. We all are selling something to someone all our lives. In fact, if someone is married and thinks that he/she isn’t good at sales, they don’t know they are pretty good at sales. How else they could convince someone else to make a commitment of a lifetime?
Thank you for stopping by and sharing your thoughts!
Hi Kumar,
Wonderful post indeed 🙂
I loved the words in the top most featured image – so very true, they are the mark of leaders and that’s how successful people become achievers too.
I’d just add that confidence is something you need to build on and it comes when you are into doing things that bring you happiness, satisfaction, and a little bit of appreciation from family, friends, or followers. As in the case of the person you mentioned, had his parents been supportive his confidence level would have been very good. I liked your tips and would also add to believe in yourself and have faith in the Almighty 🙂
Thanks for sharing. Have a nice week ahead 🙂
Hi Harleena,
I think you added a great value by sharing that confidence comes when we do what we love. That is a great point.
But I think friends and relatives aren’t usually going to support you unless you are already confident in their view. If they know you aren’t confident about what you are trying to do, they are naturally comfortable in giving you negative thinking they are protecting you. Unfortunately, that is a very common case.
But, if friends and family know you will do come what may, they will not only support you, they will also jump in to help you out as much as possible.
Everybody wants to get on the train which is moving fast towards the destination 🙂 confidence is everything!
Regards,
Kumar
Hi Kumar,
I’ve learned since being online that we’re always selling in some form or fashion. Even when we’re trying to find new friends or get a job we’re selling ourselves. I use to hate that term because my Dad was a salesman and he use to love to point out all the things other salesmen did wrong so I did get a very bad taste in my mouth about that.
I’ve always been very independent and an overall confident person. I love to learn and try new things and it never embarrassed me to admit when I was wrong. I’m not sure what I would have done though had I not had the support of my family and friends coming into this but because they know the kind of person I’ve always been they knew that when I put my mind to something I give it my all. I’m not a quitter and they would say if anyone can do this Adrienne can.
I don’t claim to know it all and as you’ve come to know me I still admit when I’m wrong. But I love testing things out and then proving that they work so I think because of that people trust my word because it is my reputation I have to live up to.
I think your tips for building self confidence are great and I would also add to just really study a lot of personal development because that can really help teach us a lot about ourselves as well as build our self confidence.
Great share Kumar, thanks and do enjoy your week.
~Adrienne
Hi Adrienne,
You are so about personal development. Personal development books, seminars, workshops are a great way to build our self-confidence.
The power is in association and when we associate with positive, confident and uplifting people, confidence growth is inevitable, isn’t it!
Thank you for pointing that out and also sharing your story. Have a great rest of the week!
Regards,
Kumar
Hi Kumar,
What a wonderful post about confidence. Some of us have it, some have to work hard to achieve it. To be a leader, we have to attain it. Now, I’ll admit it took me a while way back to attain it. I wasn’t always as confident as I am now. Especially when it comes to marketing.
I had to go through lots of hoops to teach myself confidence. And I mean tons of hoops. Decades ago I started learning the how to’s. I practiced, read, got hypnotized. You name it … I did it.
But you know where I really received it from? God! After all the stuff I went through with making a success of my off line business, it came down to God. Simple reasoning. He made me in his image and likeness. So, why am I questioning Him? Boom! It hit me like a ton of bricks. The realization was amazing.
Yes, I do consider myself as a business woman, but I do walk with God. When things “seem” to be going downhill a bit, I remind myself to sit quietly and chat with Him for a while. Peace and harmony overcome me. It works better than going on vacation for me!
I know deep in my heart I am in God’s hands. Each day I ask “What do you want me to do today?” Sometimes I get inspired, sometimes it is a little random act of kindness. But truthfully, I could not do it any other way.
-Donna
Wonderful Donna! Thank you for sharing how you start and spend your day under guidance of God.
Yes, just having a trust in Him and leaving our day with enthusiasm and passion, brings a lot of joy daily and confidence boost is just so natural with it.
Thank you for your testimonial what I absolutely believe in.
Have a great new week!
Regards,
Kumar
Wonderful post Kumar.
The world is full naysayers and more times than not the first ones are members of our families.
Back in 2001 as I was getting separated from my husband I was going to go back to France, but my very own brother started to discourage me from doing so reminding me how hard it would be for me to find work as my main background back then, was essential acting 🙂 I remember even when I reminded him that now I was fluent in 3 languages instead of one, he still brought on his negative statements.
The result of that? I decided not to go back and that’s why I’m still here to this day.
People say they have faith and blablabla everyday, but they have no faith whatsoever and they’re negative. Their actions show that.
When we listen to those people we can’t possibly succeed, that’s why we need to develop a full blown confidence in ourselves.
Such a great post! I agree with all your success points which relay on confidence. Every thing we do or any type of work needs confidence which make us perfect or keep our interest in it.
Every one needs to work on building good confidence and rest all will be done as we expected.
Thanks
Great post about confidence. Confidence is very important to grow yourself. And Mahatma gandhi said man is product of thought. That he thinks he become. So be confident. It will help you live long.
Hi Kumar,
Wonderful article indeed!!!
All the 6 way that you have mentioned above to achieve Success is very helpful and useful for us and I am sure all these ways will help a lot of peoples.
Thanks for sharing
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Hi Kumar,
What an amazing post on confidence and if we want to achieve something in our life and we have no confidence then we can’t achieve that. like as if we gonna somrthing and have no confidence about that then surely we will fail to do this task. I loved the word that are mentioned with image. All the confidence build tips that you have mentioned above are very useful and helpful and hope it will help a lots of peoples.
Thanks for sharing.
Keep posting.
Hi Kumar, I often wonder, are we born with confidence or do we really gain it over time and with what happens to us? I go through bouts when I feel confident and other times I tend to lose it and have to start the process all over again to feel confident. I think it’s something we have to work on daily to maintain whether we are born with it or not.
Hello Mr. Kumar
How are you?
This is a great post and a must read for anyone and everyone.
We are not born with confidence, but we can develop the art of it. Anything is possible, if we truly want to succeed.
In one of the programs I am writing for the little people of HOPE, the tag line is “Confidence-The Landmark of Success.
I was not confident as a child or even a young adult, but I have been given another opportunity to self-improve and still to this day, intentionally, I set my face to God every morning to how my day will be. Yes there are obstacles, but confidence pushes us through to the other side.
Confidence can be acquired. It is the Landmark of Success.
I am thrilled you are helping the young man to believe in HIMSELF.
Thank you again for this inspiring post.
Gladys
A confident walk is very important. Would you ever see James Bond walking all slouched over? No he glides smooth and confident like a cat…
Hello Kumar,
To me, without confidence, leaders always struggle because they can’t trust in themselves. In addition, because of that it is even hard to fully Trust in God while you do not know that He is always with you. This post is very important for all leaders.
I personally believe that confident leaders do not accept people who put them down..they move forward:)
Have a great weekend,
Chaarmant
Hello Charmant,
That’s a great point. Confident leaders keep moving because small disappointments or challenges do not make them stop.
Speaking of which, I remember that my mentor said once, “The size of a man is measured by size of the things that can make him mad.” 🙂
Isn’t that so powerful statement? And don’t we need a high self-image to be the person who doesn’t get upset with small little things?
Thank you for dropping by!
Regards,
Kumar
Hi Kumar,
What a wonderful post about confidence.
I loved the words that you used in this post. I really appreciate you for this for my bottom of heart.
Thank you for sharing your experiences with us on how to develop relations.
You are very welcome Areesha! I am glad to know you found it helpful.
Have a great weekend!
Thanks,
Kumar
Hi Kumar Gauraw,
Hi you had posted excellent article. Yes you are right confidence is very powerful to all people, if we are confident no one can show you as a dum. But over confident is not good.
Thanx for sharing.
🙂
Well leadership is something which is not in gaining more followers but in building more leaders.It was a great read kumar sir. I loved your point of making a personality through your dress up because indeed your first impression is the last impression. People to follow you needs a trust to believe in you.
Hello Kumar,
I must sat that confidence is the back bone of success , hence your articles fulfills one’s desire about success in life. As well as the summary is really a highly recommended professionals way so i am really getting benefits from it. and i am going to share it as much as possible as its providing a positive way for success.
“2. Dress For Success
Whether you meet someone for the first time or you meet them often, the way you dress talks volumes about you indirectly, subconsciously.”
This is exactly happening to me, when i meet my customer with good dress code I talk with confidence otherwise my inner soul always stops me.
you always gives us the best of best information.